I've Got A Feeling

I have a feeling. I feel the Lord working on my heart and in my spirit. It's like you can almost sense revelation. A sense of change; a season change. I wish I could describe the feeling in my heart right now. I get this feeling when I am alone or thinking about something peaceful. I get this feeling when I am in admiration of the handiwork of the Lord; looking at all he created, enjoying a sunset or overlooking a lake. I've been going through a lot lately. All matters in every areas have been affected. I feel like I have literally had to fight or think about what is a priority in my life, rethink everything. What matters most? I feel like I'm so distracted most days. I feel like it's a fight (w/ my flesh) to get away and spend time w/ the Lord. I want to spend time alone w/ the Lord everyday! I love praying and reading His Word. I love it when I learn new things, reach new/higher levels w/ Him. I love receiving insight, revelation, knowledge, wishdom and understanding. The bible 66 books, made up into one book. One book to read for your whole life! Seriously, that's all you need is one book for your WHOLE life?? YES!!! I love it! I can read the bible and receive it...years later read it again and get something totally different and better next time! Each trial we go through we learn more. We trust more. The more we go through w/ Him, the more understanding and knowledge He will give us. We will never be able to understand the whole Bible the way He does. Our little minds can't comprehend the mind of Christ. I am just mesmerized by the Lord and His Word. It changes me! That's all I want is to be changed! I don't like me, my flesh! I want to die out daily!!! I want to decrease, so that He can increase! I want to be fruitful and be an example to others. I want to be a light in a dark place. I feel like I have a long way to go. I am not perfect by any means. I need Jesus in my life! I can't do this w/out Him. I can do nothing w/out Him! Oh forgive me, Lord, I get distracted, down-trodden, discouraged and just too tired to keep up and keep balanced! We have to stay tuned though! I have been comparing myself to others ALOT lately. I know I can't do that, but at the same time, I realize that I am not where I need to be. I'm not where I want to be. I'm not who I want to be. I don't act or behave as well as I would like to. I'm not disciplined as much as I want or need to be. I am trying to see others for the best of who they are, and apply it to myself too. I need change in my life! Transform, melt, mold, fill me-Lord! I need the Holy Spirit! I feel like I can convey more than I do.  I feel like God can use me, but I'm not to that place yet. I feel like God has something for me! He has a plan, purpose, gift and calling for me! (He does for you too!) I have hope in Him. I've been thinking about my testimony. What would I say? What would mine look like? What would mine sound like? I want to be ready to deliver at any point and time, especially if it can help rake in souls! I would love to help lead lost souls to the Lord. The Devil likes to make me feel limited in my works for the Lord, so to speak. I often can't find the words I need to convey what is inside. I know like last week Pastor told me he would like for me to testify in church about Steven's job and everything we are going through. I wanted to!! I was ready! I got excited! I began to type out what I was going to say, sum it up...all through church I had in my head what I was going to say...pastor and his friend that is a friend said exactly what was on my heart that night, moments before I had my turn to testify. One thing I have learned is that I can't control or plan everything! I like to plan everything. I feel like I am the get it done girl a lot of times and I need to have a plan or control. I've learned that when I do that, I"m not 100% trusting GOd. I need to trust God w/ all myheart, mind, soul and strength! Who am I kidding!!? He knows better & more than I do! I want his way, him to control and his desires! That's another things...I've been learning to ask for HIm to fill me with his desires and get rid of mine! When I look at other mothers and just other Apostolics in general, I see my flaws. I like that! I don't ever want to be that person that can't admit that there isn't anything wrong w/ me, which I'm sure there are a few I haven't noticed yet. I  love the way the Lord works on us. If you are going through something...if he's working on you, he's not finished w/ you! He will complete a good work in us! He is a finisher! Incase I haven't told you I'm not an English professor and I don't usually use correct grammar and puncuation and sometimes mispell words. I know I don't make sense half the time and my paragraphs are all tied together, well, I don't even have any...but, I'm just rolling w/ it...so you just roll w/ it too! :) I know I tend to be kinda random sometimes, and I love it! I love randomness! I'm learning about myself too these days. I'm realizing things I like and don't like. Somewhere along the line I settled for me and liked things because of others or a trend. I don't want to be like that. I want to have my own choices, decisions and thoughts. Who am I? Maybe, I should call me a work in progress, but itsn't that consistent?? You never stop working on yourself! You can always be a better person.There is always something more you can do. There is never enough when it comes to working for the Lord. I know there are several areas in my life that I and the Lord are/is/want/need and am working on. I can't wait to see what God is going to do! I know God has great plans for me. I know that God is a good GOd and He is full of fruit!~ He has already filled me w/ His spirit and now I'm ready for the results! I want results! That's another thing...I am NOW girl! I want it now! I don't want to wait. Let's get this going. I am motivated, inspired and driven by results--especially positive ones!