"I'm Gonna Bust Out!!!"

It feels like I am going to suffocate. I know everyone has problems; it's called LIFE! I know that if we all put our problems in a bowl and put ours back, when we seen everyone else's, we would take our own back. It could always be worse. There is always someone out there who has it worse than you...no matter what situation you are in. The greatest thing is that Jesus loves, cares, forgives all of us! I can't not give God glory! He has never left, failed or forsaken me! This life may not have turned out the way "I" wanted to. Things may not have happened in "MY" time. I may have/be disappointed. I may "feel" hurt, lost, scared, anxious and to my limits, but everything happens for a reason. I really am trying to complain. His Word says that, Deuteronomy 4:31 KJV(For the LORD thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them. Job 13:15 KJVThough he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him. 1 Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able ; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.~ He will not give us what we can handle. If God brought you to it, he will bring you through it! 2 Corinthians 12:9 KJVAnd he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. I just feel like I need a major in change in my life. I'm not happy w/ this one! I have given all my cares, worries and concerns to the Lord. I am trusting Him to do what He needs to do and what He sees fit. I have given Him control! Do whatever you have to do, Lord! Take what you have to take from me! But, there also comes a time when you do have to make decisions. So...do I go back to school!!? The thought of going back to school and/or going back to work makes me sick! I want to homeschool and stay home with our children. I don't want to have to work. But, I realize that it's not about me. It's not about my wants, opinions or desires. If I have to go back to work, then that's what I'll have to do. I will do whatever I can to better my family. We just had revival at our church this past weekend. Let me just tell you...it was AMAZING! It was so what I needed! I literally felt joy and strength come on me! The first night at the end and for the altar call, the evangelist: Randall, came over and laid hands on me. I got up there in a hurry w/ a sister! I believe I was the first one he laid hands on. He said I was going to be the one to set everyone off...I think he meant get everyone going. He knew nothing about me. He said for me to start praising Him. I have a miracle coming!!! So, I praised Him!!! I jumped, danced, cried, shouted and then ended up falling out! It was what I needed! It's through our praise that we meet God's presence! What more do I really want!!!? That's what I want is more of the Lord...more of his glory, presence, power, annointing, love, Word...everything that He has...I want MORE! I am hungry and thirsty for more of Him. I can't get satisfaction by anything else! I also know that I need to start sacrificing more of me and my wants, desires, routines...less of me, more of Him. I die out! I must decrease, so He can increase!
~John 3:30 KJV He must increase , but I must decrease .Crucify the flesh daily! ~Galatians 5:24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
Anyways, I just feel like it's time to move on...with our house and jobs. I am ready for whatever God leads us in. I am looking forward to a different house and less to maintain...inside and out. God knows what I am in need of and it's all about His timing. I feel like I can't keep up with the house, kids, everything going on...it's such a busy life. I also know that this is the Devil's plan. The Devil wants me to feel overwhelmed, stressed, distracted w/ good and bad things! So, no matter what we are going through we have to keep our eyes, mind and focus on the Lord. I know for me, it's easy to get lost in the day. Here lately I've had 10 kids for like 12 hours a day. It's hard to get praying and reading in, but I have to do it. If we don't pray and read everyday, it's really hard to stay connected to the Lord. We must think like He does. I for one want to get up early and get all my praying and reading in so I am prayed up for the day. Put your armour on! Ephesians 6:13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand . 14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; 15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: 18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints. This has been on my heart and honestly I have been neglecting it. I need to literally stand up and put on the armour! Confess the scripture and visualize putting it on. Through out the day, praying w/out ceasing. Keeping my eyes, focus and ears toward Him. We need to listen to Him too! I know my prayers sometimes is...I want to hear you! I wish you could just sit down right next to me and talk to me!!! I also think we need to meditate and spend quiet time w/ him...so he can speak to us! I know I am moved by my feelings. I want to feel that God is moving. I want to feel Him speak to me. I have felt it and it's hard to not want that all the time and I do!!! I love the Lord! But, there comes a dry spell that we all go through...and He has never left us nor forsaken us. We must be tested!

1 Peter 4:4 KJVWherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you:

1 Peter 4:12 KJVBeloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:

It's about going into deeper levels of intimacy w/ Him. I know some/most people don't understand a thing that I am talking about, but just writing in this blog I have already lined some things out in my spirit! I have it in me! I am may be crushed, but not destroyed! Quicken me, O God! The Devil is going to fight until the end and I am not a quitter, so that means I have to fight until the end! The amazing thing is, Jesus already won the battle for me!!! The Devil is just out to get me! It's the Devil's plan to kill, steal and destroy! Well, I'm taking back what the Devil stole from me! My joy, happiness, peace, contetment! I'm not giving up on my Husband's salvation! I will not give up on the promises of the Lord; that He has for me and my house! It's amazing what good it does your soul, just to let yourself pour out! I'm already feeling better!!

I'll be back for more! I hope someone is getting this! It just kinda comes and goes!!! ;)
Back to the title: "I'm Gonna Bust Out!!!" I feel like I am going to bust out!!! I'm gonna bust out in all the ways that it can mean! I'll just leave it at that and give ya something to think about!