Losing Track!

Where to begin! It feels like I'm losing track! It feels like I'm running around in circles, accomplishing nothing! It drives me insane to have a messy house! Especially, when I wake up to one!! I can't keep up on everything and everyone, so something has to give! It doesn't help that I'm sitting here doing this either. There is so much more in me and I know I can do all of this! I can cook, clean, laundry, take care of the kids and Hubby, bills/checkbook. I just get overwhelmed and here I sit. Then I kick it into gear and clean until 4 a.m. and wonder why I'm so tired! I really am tired, like all the time though; even when I do get 8-9 hours of sleep! I don't even want to sleep that long. I would love to be that Mommy and Wife who gets up at 5 a.m. and spends time w/ the Lord first and then accomplishes everything else. I just can't get up and stay up! :/ I know I'm not Super Mom, but that's all I've been told for 2.5 years! I do need help and want help. I do have a few faithful friends and family members. But, everyone has their own lives; they can't just come help me clean w/ my house because I can't keep up on it. So...I'm going to hire someone. Maybe, I can find someone who can help babysit once a week so I can go to the store and not rush for once, laundry and clean. I think that would help me a lot. I have been preparing meals for the freezer and I have to say I love doing it! I would really like to start a food blog! I know right, something else to tie my time! But, it's something I would enjoy...not that I don't enjoy my children, but this Momma needs HER time every once in awhile. It seems like I have to pull teeth and nails to get some ME time. I have been praying, praying, praying and prayed all I can pray for help, strength and patience, but at the end of the day I just need me and Jesus time...which needs to be in the morning! Don't give up on me, Lord! I'll get this! And, that's what's so great! Jesus has such love, compassion, grace and mercy on us! Thank You, Jesus! Because I fall, fail, stumble and fall short too often! I need Jesus! I need thee every hour--every minute--every second! I may not understand what is going on, but all I know is I want God's will and plan for my family! I would really love to have that brand new single level home that has an open floor plan 4 bed and 4 bath, with about 7 acres in the country--out skirts of town (just don't know what town!), walk out basement to the fenced in backyard! I want it for my kids! I think they deserve that! We need a breakthrough! But, most importantly, even if I don't get it inside God's will for us, I'm ok w/ that! I would rather be following through in God's will then not! I'm so glad for the boundaries and the conviction that comes from the Holy Spirit! I feel like a mess internally and I'm sure I look like one externally (LOL), but I know God's not finished with me yet! What He started--He will finish! I am willing and try to be an open vessel.  My God isn't a procrastinator! I just need to follow up w/ every word in that Bible and live it the best of my ability and reaching out to the lost...no matter what the cost! That's what's most important! There is way too many lost and who need Jesus! And, I'm tired of trying to convince people...I can't anyways, it's the Holy Spirit's job...but, I'm not going to give up on them, but I'm also not going to get hung up on them either. Time is precious, especially to the soul who wants to receive it now and has ears to listen! It also reminds me that, "it's not about me!" We are living in the last days, whether you want to realize it or believe it or not. But, if I'm wrong then you have nothing to lose and you lived your life good and right, but I'm right you have everything to lose! It's supernatural, spiritual and then works it's way out into a light that shines through you! I know with my every being that I am made up of, it's real! I'm sorry for those who don't. There will be a judgement day. Every knee  shall bow, every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord and He will say come in or depart from me, I never knew you! How could that not move you? :(
I really like this blog thing! I have no clue what I'm going to write, it's just kinda flows out. I'm sure half of it doesn't even make sense to you! LOL Oh well, it does to me and it's kinda like therapy! Haha! 
On a lighter note...I'm thinking about trying A.C.E! I need to lose weight and really do need energy! Might be worth a try! :0) 
I love my family more than words can say and I'm sorry I get moody, aggrivated, frustrated and most of the time you probably just can't figure me out...I'm working on this one myself! LOL Hahah! I wouldn't trade it for anything! xoxo