Lord is Faithful

How to put this short....

the Lord has proven himself faithful to me....that He can be trusted...not only from His Word...but in real experiences He has shown me himself...spoken to me...I've felt His presence and there is nothing more precious or that can compare! I'm so thankful that even though I have put Him on the backburner that He is still always there, willing to forgive, merciful and just...he quickens us...lines us back out to where we need to be...I'm so thankful for His wisdom, understanding, knowledge and discernment! I am lost w/out Him! I need Him in my life! I long to tell people of him and share what He has done for me; because it's my testimony--a miracle!

I should still be addicted..on whatever I can get my hands on--drugs, pills, alcohol, sex--it didnt matter...whatever brought the next better high..I should be dead...I could've killed somebody else...I could still be lost and miserable and fighting to make sense of this world and life...all I have ever known is that I wanted to be a Mommy and a Wife!! I went to  work at a factory when I graduated, but I also started going to college too...I didn't know what for really, so I just went for business mgmt...after many breakups...falling for the first guy or whatever guy who would tell me they loved me and wanted to marry me...it took a good breakup for no apparent reason to get me out in my own in my own apartment and another breakup before I accepted a church invitation w my dad and stepmom...the presence of God was there..I was so bound! I couldn't even clap my hands...not sing...stiff as a board...next service I could clap...next service bawl the whole time, next service i started worshipping...

I have always believed and knew Jesus was real! I would sin all day and know I was doing wrong; lay my head down at night and repent...help me lord, i'll never do it again...don't let me die lost...get up and do it again...there has to be real change that happens on our part! I got pretty far out there, got in an abusive relationship in high school, arrested for possession and intent to make meth, i missed the mark by 1 month of getting everyone's charges placed on my plate...when I didn't tell the truth...i lied straight through my teeth..that wasnt enough...i got slapped on the wrist thank god, community service and 3 random drug screenings and i still kept using...i would clean up and few days before the tests...i was so stupid, careless and bound...is all i can say, i cared. I worked full time and went to school 1/2 days my sr year and i made up my mind that when i graduated and got that factory job i would be done...graduate may 2003 and got cleaned up and got me a good job sept 15 2003 and kept it for 6 years...i quit the drugs thanks be to god...i still smoked cigarettes and drank....but soon enough I would quit those too...I met my husband in january of 2008-I had fallen out of church and allowed him to move in shortly, june he proposed, aug 2008 we bought our first house, married oct 2008, preg 3 weeks later....I started going back to church when I was about 4-6 months along...and it took a few times but he started coming w me...thank Jesus! We have come along way! I'm not where i need to be but thank god I'm not where i was!! I"m so thankful!! His love never runs out! When I got a hold of the Lord...I jumped in head first!! I knew what I felt was real....didn't take long and i wanted to be baptized in Jesus name and then I got the holy ghost at a revival service w my mom. I was so on fire for the lord! I was faithful in reading, confessing, fasting and praying! I started faith journal and thanksgiving the lord for a husband  i was desperate! i have the notebook somewhere...i can literally go back and put check marks on my list...our house, husband, children....i started buying baby clothes by faith before i even met my husband....it works!! You see we have 2 sets of twins 13 mo apart...all is healthy, full term, no major complications....the lord delivers and heals wounds...we didn't get our self messed up overnight and by all means the lord can quicken, heal and deliver instantly, but for some it's a process...I still struggle w the past and my thoughts, things i did, visions, heard, lots of regrets...i remember being high driving down the road and telling the people in my car we better get ready because the rapture could happen anytime and i didnt want to go to hell!! They would listen! People want a way out!! They really do! But, I'm telling you....all i could ever relate to is what I have "felt" and once I felt-tasted and seen the Lord and His presence and when I got that precious holy ghost...nothing compared...to all the drugs, highs and drunks Ive been on! I'm so thankful that now I can be addicted to Him!! I want more! I want to go deeper! I want to be closer!! I love His presence!! But, I have also had to learn that we can't go by our feelings...that the devil can deceive our thoughts and feelings...that when it comes to a test of faith...you cant rely on your feelings...sometimes you wont feel His awesome presence and you will feel abandoned--that it doesn't matter what it looks like...doesn't matter what it feels like...doesn't matter what the report says...doesn't even matter what it smells like...we have to stand on what the Word says...come in agreement w/ Him and thank Him for whatever your in need of as if you already got it!! The Lord knows what He is doing and if we are willing to let him prune, mold, melt us and send us through the fire to be used of his glory...submit to god, resist the devil and he will flee